hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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