Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize