I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
