absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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