okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
