Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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