this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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