Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
