Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
