i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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