besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
