remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
