I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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