Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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