Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
