Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize