You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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