can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
