yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Is it because I queefed?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
