i just wanna soil my oats bro
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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