Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
