my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
