No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
