We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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