The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
