My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
