I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
