i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Sober January is a disaster.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
