Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
