put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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