Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Randomize
