Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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