Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
