I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
