420 ftw
babies were throwing up all over the place
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
