You really coming over, don't trick.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize