I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
