Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
