it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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