Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
