who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
