smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
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