Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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