she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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