Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
