In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I love you. Go after that dick
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
