how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
