My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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