so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
