why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
