I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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