Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
