It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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