I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
