She's JV to your varsity
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
