Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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