If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
