I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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