Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You are a genius and a whore.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
