Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
