I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
