no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
