End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize