Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
