Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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