Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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