I skipped work to stalk him.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
