Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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