ugly people sure do ruin things
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
